Throughout my life, I’ve found that friends will ask my advice on things. Whether it’s because I’ve experienced it or whether I have interesting insight to offer, they come calling and I listen. That’s not to say the advice I give is always taken. In fact, it seems like it rarely is. In these cases, I wonder, “Why even ask me if you don’t really want to take it?” But I give it anyway. If nothing else, a seed is planted that may help in future, similar situations.
Often times they don’t like to hear what I have to say. It’s made people mad on more than a few occasions. Sometimes I feel like I should have a disclaimer on the advice I give. “Take at your own risk. Side effects may include: anger, shock, dissolution of what was thought to be a good theory…” You know, the basics.
There are plenty of times where friends purposefully don’t tell me something because they know I won’t tell them what they want to hear. Of course, then I hear about it later when they say, “What should I have done?” Again, this is the time to plant the seed for future situations.
Crazy thing is, I don’t really know where I get it. Where does this advice come from? Some vast store of knowledge? Surely not. How do I know what to say? I have never considered myself exceptionally wise, necessarily. The things people share with me are not always things I know about or have even experienced. And yet, I seem to know what to say most of the time. I open my mouth and the right thing comes out. I say what needs to be said.
I have often thought that it was a “higher power” speaking through me in these instances. But I’ve always dismissed the thought because, well…that sounds a little insane at times. I mean, doesn’t it?? To think of yourself in that way? As if I have a divine force running through me? I am not a goddess. Definitely not.
But recently, I had a very lucid moment while talking to a friend that made me ponder the validity of that possibility, yet again. It happened the same as it always does. A situation was presented to me with a request for advice. I thought about the situation, compared it to my own previous experiences and those of others around me, talking it over with my friend. And then it was like a switch was flipped.
I was still me. Still speaking with my own voice. Still very present and prescient. But it was as if I had tapped into a reservoir of previous experiences and existences. And I was cognizant of the switch. Extremely aware of it. It wasn’t a different feeling per se. But it was definitely a difference in the words I was saying and the speed at which I was able to put it all together. I felt like the Scarecrow when the Wizard gives him the diploma. He can suddenly spew forth great amounts of knowledge that he previously wasn’t able to. That was me. It was as if I didn’t need to think through my words. They just knew when and how to be spoken. But as soon as they appeared, the switch flipped back and I was on my own again.
I’ve had semi-lucid moments like that in the past when I was speaking with someone, but it has never been that obvious…that apparent. It was more of an afterthought…and inkling of something. This time though, it surprised me, to say the least. I was taken aback. To be a conduit, and a conscious one at that…it is very humbling and awe-inspiring. At least that’s how I felt. But, is that what it was? Really? Or did I just stumble upon my brain’s own inner archive of collective memory?
I know what I said was significant—at least to the person listening. I know it was viable. And I know that it was appreciated. But I don’t know what really happened in that instant. And I don’t exactly know why. Perhaps now with the transparency of this one moment in time, I will be more aware of the next time it happens.
But what if it doesn't? Is it better to live with the memory, the feeling, of that moment and remain ignorant of the cause, never to experience it again? Should I write it off as my mind playing tricks on me like I have in the past? Or should I accept the moment as one in a string of random existential moments that have all come together at one point in time to show me the true meaning of....
Of what? I just don't know.
